Fidelity Ring

Fidelity Ring, the wedding ring of future   

To All Married Women:

        If your husband is a man and he is in possession of a fully functional male organ, then he is genetically designed to cheat, it’s just a matter of when and not if.  And if you don’t know this truth, you’re either naive or completely gullible.

        The male character is formed around this inflatable object.  If this flaccid organ is not exercised a few times a day, the man attached to it does not function properly in social interactions. And if it is, then the man behaves normally meaning he’s obsessed with sex.  When it comes to sex, men are lose-lose propositions for women and that is

why historically women across the globe regardless of their culture, religion, race and nationality have always suffered from their husband’s infidelity. The vast majority of women choose to blindly trust their husbands. They need to wake up and smell other women on their man.

         Now that this swift psychoanalysis of the male gender is presented to help you properly understand your man, let’s consider your options in preventing him from unauthorized use of his joystick.

    In case of proven infidelity, some radical feminists suggest the sudden mutilation of the culprit organ. Although this corrective measure is permanent and effective, it’s bloody cruel. The negative publicity of this drastic approach has made this

option undesirable to most women, thank God for that. Besides, the widespread use of this punishment would eventually results in societies filled with severely decapitated men metaphorically speaking. 

        The passive aggressive wives on the other hand choose risk mitigation by providing frequent quickies to their partners to keep their snakes in the cage or perform a wholesome blow ritual every morning before breakfast. This defensive approach is as practical as it is cumbersome. No wife has ever shown interest in or endurance for such ordeal on a daily basis just to keep her husband faithful. No husband was ever worth keeping that much anyways.

    Some pious women naively believe in divine intervention. They forget that God is a man and he made men in his own image. Therefore, no woman in her right mind should rely on God’s empathy regarding such sensitive organ. And finally there are wives who believe in reciprocating their husbands’ promiscuous behavior. They’re the ones who

transmit all sorts of STDs including but not limited to gonorrhea and syphilis or suffer from a mild yeast infection to say the least. In general, women are created better than that. Besides, they are not genetically designed to enjoy cheap sex on a regular basis like men.

           History shows that women have always strived to discover a magical remedy to this everlasting crisis and none has been found until now.

    The best method of keeping your husband faithful is to use the state of the art “Fidelity Ring”, an electronic monitoring device that conveniently fits on any flaccid male organ. Fidelity rings are hand crafted and visually exquisite. They are also fully adjustable and available in classic designs or modern styles. Contrary to jewelry items Fidelity Ring have a vital mission. There’re installed and programmed by the wife to keep her husband at bay. This advanced safety device through its built-in web-cam records the husband’s hanky-panky activities and transmits video signals to the better half in real time. She is the only one who has the password protected trigger mechanism to de-activate the ring.

        If the husband attempts to remove the ring without prior permission of the account holder, the device automatically switches to choking mode. The ring shrinks in size dramatically and in matter of seconds violently chokes the male organ by cutting off its blood flow.  In this case the culprit organ turns blue, viciously trembles and gasps for air but the ring is designed not to let go until the subject is completely down and subdued. 

           However, when the man equipped with the Fidelity Ring happens to be tipsy after drinking a few beers in a cozy pub and detects a female specimen and achieves an unauthorized erection, the excessive blood flow triggers the defense mechanism of

the Fidelity Ring. The device transmits alert signals to the wife and the LED light on the ring turns flashing yellow and beeps. This is only the warning stage.  Study shows that the first warning signs usually scare the hell out of most husbands and they immediately lose their illicit desire. In that case the buzzing stops and the yellow flashing light turns to solid green allowing husband to start thinking with his upper head and resume his normal daily life. Statistics show that after going through this embarrassing and potentially harmful encounter, the man’s entire body soaks in cold sweat and he thanks God almighty that the device was not deployed.  This is the typical use and the design objective of the Fidelity Ring.

           However, if the system goes into alarm mode and husband ignores the warning signs and does not lose his unauthorized erection, he may either return to his wife and beg for a system deactivation or start using his right hand and proceed with manual relief. Please note that the DNA recognition module built into the ring only allows the husband to manually bypass the system. However, God forbid if the husband refuses to heed to all warnings signs or if any other human flesh approaches him after yellow signals go off then the “Fidelity Ring” automatically switches to code red-the execution mode. The light turns solid red, device generated head-piercing noise and flashes at higher frequency. After five seconds of this audio visual spectacle, the Fidelity Ring act like a taser and sends a 10,000 volt electric charge directly to testicles and the shock therapy is repeated every 30 seconds until the marriage vow violator is subjugated. When the subject is contained, the system shuts off.  The mission is accomplished,

the victim collapses on the ground convulsing (as if he is having a fatal seizure) with his smoking gun in his hand.

    The painful truth (for men of course) is that the Fidelity Ring works, any user can attest to that. This innovative concept has proven to be effective in preserving a healthy and happy marriage. This is a lifetime investment for every married woman.

Please note that unlike traditional wedding rings, Fidelity Ring is reusable and transferable. If you have used the ring on your first husband and he is toasted and out of the picture, you may return the device to the manufacturer for a recharge and software upgrade and get on with your next love life. Husbands may come and go but the ring is yours forever.  

           “Fidelity Ring” is a great investment and a precious heirloom to pass on to your female offspring for generations to come. On your daughter’s wedding night give her your own ring and say, “honey, this is the very ring that zapped your father a couple of times and made our marriage a success story.”

   The sheer idea of the Fidelity Ring performs magic even before it’s physically installed. Just ask your fiancé who claims to be willing to move mountains for you if he is willing to wear the ring instead. Then calmly study his facial expression and analyze his reaction and make up your mind about sharing your life with him. Wearing the ring must be an integral part of any prenuptial agreement.

        In the 21st century, the traditional marriage proposal by men must be reciprocated by a counter-proposal by the bride to be. When a man drops to his knees and proposes to his love; she should immediately drop to her knees, stare right at his crotch and pop her own question: “Would you wear a Fidelity Ring?” This is a defining moment for the couple in love. The man’s refusal to accept this fair settlement offer should be dumped on the spot and woman should proceed with the plan B-if she has one.

    Fidelity Ring is a tight grip symbol of eternal love and no woman should ever wed without one.